


Tell Me Where You're Hiding Out

by halolove



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, OT5 Friendship, Road Trips, THERE ARE CHILDREN, also girl scout cookies!! yay, and creepy motels, but not scary at all, but the others shut it down quickly, fan interactions, the h/l isn't intense at all, they're sappy at times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2704556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halolove/pseuds/halolove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Ahh! Niall, I missed you so much!” Harry is jumping back out of Louis’ arms to run towards him. When Niall sees a giant approaching him, he has the perfectly natural reaction to throw up his arms and start running in slow motion. Harry copies, and suddenly it’s a scene straight out of Baywatch. Until, of course, they clash in the middle, and Harry’s long legs get tangled in Niall’s and they’re struggling to remain vertical before Liam cuts in to stabilize them.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Okay, okay, break it up you two,” Louis yells from the passenger seat, from where he has yet to move. “Haz, where the fuck are we going? When do we need to get on the road?” Liam has a hand out towards both Niall and Harry so that they can compose themselves as Zayn tosses their things in the boot.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Nope. I am not telling you.” He dramatically pulls his arm away from Liam and prances back to the driver’s seat with his nose to the sky, then turns back and winks dramatically at Zayn, who already knows their destination. “It’s going to be fun and that’s all you need to know. Just put on some music.”</i>
</p><p>Or, the OT5 roadtrip gone wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me Where You're Hiding Out

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a prompt on the 1dsmutfree tumblr. It's cutesy and happy and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> I'd like to give my eternal gratitude to my wonderful beta [Silva](http://aspoonful-ofsugar.tumblr.com) and also to [Miles](http://smittenwithlouis.tumblr.com) for giving me a confidence boost in the 11th hour (more like 2am). I want to give you both so many cookies and hugs. 
> 
> Of course I don't know the boys and this is all fiction blah blah blah. The title is from Where Do Broken Hearts Go by 1d."

“C’mon Pauly, pleeeeaseee!” Harry is about to drop to his knees and beg. All he and the boys want is a few days to themselves before the new album. They've been so busy since the tour ended with the management change and album promo that their break hadn’t really been much of a break at all. They finally have a few days off before FOUR drops, and Paul is trying to tag along on their adventure. As much as they love him, if he came it would be the same as if their dads came on spring break.

Liam had already tried the logical persuasion route, but it got them nowhere. It’s all down to Harry’s begging, with Louis standing behind him for moral support. Paul does have a point though: none of them really have a plan for the next few days. They mostly just want to go on a road trip through the southern U.S., but when you have those five rowdy boys together with no plan... bad things happen. So no one actually expects this to work, and Zayn’s already trying to work out whose car they should take if there are going to be six people instead of five.

“Okay, fine. Go on.” Paul exasperatedly looks behind Harry, “Louis, your puppy eyes are absolutely unfair.” Louis is now pulling a grin and does a subtle bow. Harry lets out an excited squeal. They aren’t called the dream team for nothing. “But if it looks like there’s a chance that something might possibly eventually go wrong in any scenario or alternate universe or there’s a shift in the wind, call me call me CALL ME!!” Paul has pulled out his dad finger and is basically reprimanding them all in advance, for whatever he knows will inevitably happen. For a group of five adult men, they sure are prone to dangerous and embarrassing situations. Of course, that could have something to do with their millions of fans that would do anything for as little as the knowledge that they’re in the same city.

Niall skips towards Paul and pulls him in for a big hug and closes his eyes, “Yeah, we will. I love you. You’re so great.” Even when Niall’s not drunk, he acts a little drunk. They all stare for a moment at Niall’s awkwardly lengthy hug, before joining him to pile on Paul, with Zayn last of course. Not for lack of love, but for fear of being crushed.

***

It’s about a month later on a Thursday evening. Harry and Louis had flown in from L.A. a few hours earlier and were waiting for the other three to get in from London. Trying to keep a low profile, they’re each in snapbacks and long sleeves, hidden behind the tinted windows of Harry’s SUV, just in case someone is able to sneak back into the private section of the airport. They only have a couple hours to kill, so they’re listening to Louis’ iPod and contentedly making up their own dull games.

“No! No no no. We decided that Alaskan Airlines doesn’t count!”

“When the hell did we decide that, Lou? You decided that if when a plane lands it’s from an airline from A to L, I win. That was the only rule.”

“Ok, but who’s even heard of Alaskan Air?” He’s spitting the name in disgust and flailing his arms around in anger, trying so hard to ignore Harry’s pouts. “It shouldn't count. Why does Alaska even have an entire airline? There are three people who live there.”

“You’re acting like a child,” but Harry is showing his frog face anyway. Or at least that’s what the fans named it. Louis’s come to follow suit though, and it’s one of his favourite things to mock Harry for.

“You would be thrilled if our child were acting like me though.” The frog face is getting worse by the second. Harry opens his mouth to say what must be something incredibly sappy, and Louis knows it, when they are quite rudely interrupted.

“As exciting as I’m sure that thought is -” Suddenly Liam is standing above them, peeking through the cracked window.

“Liammmm!” Harry jumps out of the driver’s seat and pushes the door open towards him so that he can wrap his long arms around the pouty man.

Luckily, he moves just before he’s knocked over. “- I don’t want to hear it. You two are too sickening and I don’t want any of this on our trip. Imagine us as your little sisters, Louis. I want none of this. There’s nowhere for us to escape in this tiny little car.”

“I make no promises. And I don’t think they would enjoy hanging out with a bunch of old men anyway, so your analogy means nothing to me. Besides, my sisters love when we’re sappy.” Harry looks at Louis and raises an eyebrow. He’s not so sure that’s true. His sisters-in-law are pretty grossed out by the two of them, but he doesn’t bother to correct it, because Louis leans up from his seat to pull Harry back down, and plant a loud, sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“Eh, do what you want. We’ve gotta be pretty used to it by now.” Niall’s throwing his duffle bag into the back of the car.

“Ahh! Niall, I missed you so much!” Harry is jumping back out of Louis’ arms to run towards him. When Niall sees a giant approaching him, he has the perfectly natural reaction to throw up his arms and start running in slow motion. Harry copies, and suddenly it’s a scene straight out of Baywatch. Until, of course, they clash in the middle, and Harry’s long legs get tangled in Niall’s and they’re struggling to remain vertical before Liam cuts in to stabilize them.

“Okay, okay, break it up you two,” Louis yells from the passenger seat, from where he has yet to move. “Haz, where the fuck are we going? When do we need to get on the road?” Liam has a hand out towards both Niall and Harry so that they can compose themselves as Zayn tosses their things in the boot.

“Nope. I am not telling you.” He dramatically pulls his arm away from Liam and prances back to the driver’s seat with his nose to the sky, then turns back and winks dramatically at Zayn, who already knows their destination. “It’s going to be fun and that’s all you need to know. Just put on some music.”

“Oh, no! You are not getting away that easily. We are not going to see the world’s biggest banana or some shit like that. If you’re not telling me, then I’m not going.”

“What a fucking lie. You’re already in the bloody car.” Niall’s in the back seat, leaning forward in between the two of them. He always liked getting involved in their relationship. The whole third wheel concept never really seemed to faze him. There’s a slight pause in the conversation as Harry and Louis glare at each other, having an unspoken staring contest to determine the winner of their argument.

Liam butts in, trying to stay as civil as possible, while also looking a bit worried. “You know, it would be so much easier if we knew. We could check help with directions and all that.” But Harry’s already made up his mind and doesn’t bother responding.

“Well I won’t enjoy it then.” Louis crosses his arms and sits back dramatically in his chair, but Niall was right, as always. Louis was already in the car, and would happily go along with any plan of Harry’s – no matter how ridiculous. And he’d enjoy it too, despite what he might claim.

“Fine.” Harry tries to make his voice sound like the end of a bad argument, but he turns to his boyfriend in the passenger seat, and has to shield the other three from his frog face, for the third time in just a couple of minutes. Louis switches his iPod back on, and turns it on shuffle. “We Are Young” starts playing, and there’s a groan from Liam in the back.

“So tonight….” Harry starts, singing along with the song before looking at the back seat through the rear-view mirror, trying to get everyone pumped up with a drumroll on the steering wheel. It only actually works on Niall, although Liam does raise his eyebrows a little. Zayn leans against the window to take a nap. He’s already figured out all of Harry’s plans. When he’d hinted to Harry he knew, Harry looked at him, astonished. “I have my ways,” was his only response. None of them really should be surprised by now. Zayn just knows these things. He’s basically God.

“...We’re going camping!” Harry looks around at all of them through the rear view mirror and sees a little bit of excitement from them. Liam’s eyes light up, and Niall exclaims a quick “cool!” He’s always down for anything. Harry knew he could count on that, so he mentally checks that off his list – phase one is a hit.

***

Well, they tried to go camping. As a responsible adult, Harry printed off directions. But since he won’t allow anyone else to know the exact location of where they were headed (driving Louis and Liam crazy of course) no one could help when he was trying to simultaneously read and drive. When he tried to set the GPS, it led them on a very strange, and not at all correct, path.

“I think there’s a solar flare or something, because nothing is working. But we can do this! We’ll make it before it gets dark, I’m sure!” Harry still has some hope in his eyes behind his squint, as he refuses to turn on his headlights, as that would be accepting that it already is dark.

“I think we should probably stop pretty soon. It doesn’t really matter if we make it where we wanted. We don’t want to be stuck in the car for the night. We still have to set up the tent.” Liam is the only one to start looking a little worried. Louis has fallen asleep in the front seat, and Zayn has his earphones in, zoned out of everything. Niall is listening to the whole affair, following the conversation with his eyes, as if it’s just a bad sitcom in the background. “Oh God, Harry, you did pack a tent, didn’t you?”

“Liam! I am offended. Of course I did. I planned this whole trip and you should be grateful, because it was a lot of effort. Do you realise how much work went into all of this? I had t-”

“Harry…,” Louis was roused from his nap from the sudden increase in pitch and loudness of Harry’s voice, and throws his hand weakly on Harry’s outstretched arm on the steering wheel. His voice still a little slow and rough from a good two hours of sleep, he stops Harry in his tracks. “You don’t have to be a mum about this. What do you want us to do? Bow down? Yes, great job with the trip: you are a pro at this. You’ve surely had enough practice with all the travelling to and from L.A. you’ve done. But when are we getting there? I’m hungry. What food did you bring anyway?” Louis is always able to get Harry to calm down, and he’s immediately chipper again.

“Ooh yeah! Ok, so since we’d just have a fire at best - I picked a real campsite, not one of those with a bunch of electronics, by the way.” This signals the first groan from Niall. He’d really had his heart set on grilling something tonight. “And that also means it’s less popular and there’ll be fewer people to possibly recognise us! Anyway, I made us some sandwiches and packed a ton of junk food. I have beef jerky, three different kinds of cereal, tons of crisps. Ooh, carrot sticks too! Hmm what else…”

“When did you get all of that? You didn’t bring it from L.A., did you? How did I not notice that?” He was purposefully ignoring the carrot reference, and the wink that came with it. Now that he was more awake, Louis’ voice was soft in only the way that Harry could get out of him.

“No, silly, I had someone pick it up and stick it in the car I had waiting here,” Harry responds with a kind smile, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh wow, look at me. I’m a world famous popstar! Such a diva.” Louis’s mocking with his hands waving in the air. “What a spoiled thing to do! Who did you get to do that? We don’t know anyone here?” Now he looks more confused than anything.

“Lads, c’mon. More important matters.” Liam brings their attention outside of the little bubble they always seem to create for themselves. Niall looks like he’s been snapped out of some hypnosis too.

“Yeah, I think we should just stop at the next rest stop or any old camp site.” Zayn is speaking for the first time in a couple of hours. He’s usually pretty quiet on car trips, the steady motor putting him in a trance. Zayn is usually listened to (for good reason), so Harry mournfully agrees when Louis points to a sign that leads to a rest stop connected to a campsite.

“Well that’s just fate, boys!” Liam exclaims over Harry’s silent sorrow.

***

“Ok, maybe not so fateful. But you can’t blame me! It’s probably raining in your precious campsite too.” Liam huffs out through his exasperated pants as he runs back through the ever so sudden rain to their car. By the time they reach it, somehow everyone is soaked but Zayn. He’s already sitting in the back seat, completely dry. No one bothers to ask how. Liam jumps in the back seat next to him and stuffs the tent that he’d gathered up without folding under the seat. He hadn’t even finished putting it up before they gave up and ran back through the downpour.

“Okay… so what are we doing now?” Liam looks around at the other four, and they all just look back at him with blank expressions. “C’mon, someone has to have some brilliant idea!”

“Well if we’d listened to me, maybe we’d still be driving and not soaking wet.” Harry glares Liam down.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Your entire argument is that you would have kept us lost. That’s better how?” Niall is in his rare argumentative mood. He doesn’t get that way often, but when he does, no one wants to cross him.

“Boys, boys. We’ll just sleep in the car tonight. It’s not that small. We’ll get a few hours of sleep until the rain dies down, since I doubt we’d be able to drive in this anyway, then we’ll go wherever you had planned next.” Louis successfully calms the mood, and looks over at Harry for the last point. “Did you say you had some food around here somewhere? I think we’re all starving.”

“Yeah, it’s in the back.” At that, he climbs out of his seat, over the centre console, and between Liam and Niall to reach his giant cooler, that somehow no one had noticed.

“You know, we could have reached that much easier than you…” Liam still seems a little irritated, although not at a particular person, just at the situation.

“I want to serve it though!” He opens the cooler and pulls out sandwiches and passes them around. Then he pulls out a giant bag of veggies, which the other four don’t touch. Once Harry gets out the crisps, he climbs back to the front seat, with Louis’ help, as he is now trying to balance food in both hands. They all eat in relative silence, with just the 1975 playing in the background.

Harry seems apologetic about the night as they all adjust to their sleeping arrangements. Harry and Louis climb to the back seat with Niall, as Zayn and Liam move to the front. They all put the seats down all the way, and Harry snuggles underneath Louis’ chin. Niall seems completely unbothered by the closeness of his bandmates beside him. They all fall asleep quickly.

***

There’s a loud rap on the window, and Harry and Liam jerk awake. Disoriented, Harry sits up, half-waking Louis up in the process. Another knock. Realising there’s a man staring at them, Liam lowers the window slowly.

“Can we help you?” Liam’s voice is weak, and his eyes are barely open, still adjusting to the light of the the almost risen sun.

“Uhh… yeah. I’m Officer Gus with the North Carolina State Police. Are y’all alright? People don’t usually sleep in their cars here. It’s not exactly smiled upon by the hotels in the area.” He has a slight southern accent, and is wearing all black, with a shiny badge for show on his front shirt pocket. Probably in his late forties, he has a deep tan and dark brown hair. There’s a gun and a flashlight strapped to his belt, and he has his hands on his hips, leaning over the window, looking inside.

“Sorry, sir. We thought it’d be okay since there’s a campsite near. And there was a storm last night so we didn’t want to sleep outside. We were actually heading for another campsite, but we got lost.” Liam puts on his most polite voice and then looks around to notice that they’re only of two cars in the parking lot, other than the police car pulled up beside them.

The cop looks at Liam in the driver’s seat condescendingly. “Well if y’all will come inside with me then I can get you a map to find where you’re headed.”

“Um, okay. Thank you.” Liam pushes Zayn awake, and Harry does the same to Niall. They all huddle out of the car sleepily, stretching on the way into the rest stop.

“I don’t usually check in around here, but I came to get some caffeine to finish up my shift and couldn’t help but notice a bunch of guys sleeping in a car.”

“Sorry again, sir. We’ve never actually found ourselves in this situation before.” Liam tries to act as courteous as he can, hiding his awkward laugh.

“Oh, I’m sure of it.” The cop is smirking, which is a little disturbing and out of place. Fuck, what if he knows who they are and spills the beans. Louis suddenly starts freaking out in his head, imagining hoards of fans appearing at their next stop. He tries to telepathically warn Harry, but their connection must be out for the day, because he looks completely unbothered.

When they get inside, Louis is about to pull Harry to the side, before he starts telling the police officer exactly where they’re going. The other three seem just as oblivious to Louis’ internal shouts. Niall and Zayn, because they’re still virtually asleep, and Liam because, well he’s just always oblivious.

The police officer is listening to Harry’s slow ramblings about their plans as he scans through the stacks of maps to find the most appropriate one. He picks out two and brings them to the counter on the other side of the room, where a woman in her early twenties is sitting.

Shit, Louis thinks. There’s very little hope she doesn’t recognise them. If it was just him or one of the other three, maybe. But with Harry there, and all five of them together…. no fucking way. He’s just trying to come up with an escape route, and a quick way to change license plates and cars maybe. A dealership wouldn’t be open this early, and they don’t have the connections in the area for one to open with this short of notice.

“Lucy, can you help these boys with their trip?” The woman looks up, and Louis can see her blinking with the realisation of who she’s looking at.

She starts stuttering with wide eyes, and a deep red runs to her face. “Uhh…. y-yes! What can I d-do for y’all?” She sits up straight suddenly. She’d been hunched over a book sitting on her desk, but it closes automatically when she lets go. Louis looks down to see what she was reading. These Inconvenient Fireworks.

Holy fuck this is bad. Louis is about to grab Harry and run. (Hopefully the other boys would follow.) They can’t be found. They’re still supposed to be in different parts of the world. No one can know. It’ll ruin the trip. Lucy seems to notice Louis staring at the book and she suddenly realises the gravity of the situation. Apparently, her immediate response is to pick up the book and throw it across the room. Louis can’t help but laugh, and she joins in, the tension essentially broken.

“I’m sorry about that…” She glances up, and looks between Harry and Louis. Harry hadn’t noticed what she was reading, but the awkward laughter seemed to break the ice for all of them.

“No, it’s fine, love. Do you happen to know a good place to grab breakfast around here?” Harry’s as charming as always, and Louis can’t wait to tell him what she’d been reading. They’d read a little bit of some of the more popular fanfics that went around on tumblr and twitter. That one, in particular seemed to get a lot of attention. But, as it was long as hell, they’d never actually read the whole thing. However, they’d heard quite a bit about a certain car wash scene, so they’d looked it up and read that chapter. All five of them. They still talk about it.

The irony that four of them are still wet from the rain the night before is not lost on Louis. “Sorry to interrupt, babe. We had a rough night. There was a bit of rain last night and it must look like we were running a car wash.” He smirks as her jaw drops. Harry looks over at him and tilts his head in confusion. Louis turns briefly to his boyfriend and shakes his head ever so slightly, I’ll explain later. Harry seems to get it and asks again about a nearby restaurant. She stumbles through her answer, highlighting the route on the map to an IHOP and then to the next stop on their trip, which Harry insists that the other four close their eyes and cover ears for. He still wants to keep it a surprise. Lucy giggles, and when she finishes describing their trip, folds up the maps and hands them over to him.

“Um, do you think I might be able to get a picture with y’all? I won’t post it or anything, if you don’t want...?” She looks like she’s trying to hide behind herself.

“Of course, babe! Bring it around!” Liam motions for her to come to the other side of the counter. She picks up her phone and trips on her own feet trying to make it around the table. They all pretend not to notice. Liam takes her phone, and takes a selfie of the six of them.

“Do you think I could get one too?” The police man is pulling out his phone, and quickly corrects himself. “For my daughter, of course!”

When they’re all about to leave, Louis decides at the last minute to go over and pick up the book, to Lucy’s obvious horror. “Would you want us to sign this?” Louis glances over at Harry as if he’s just come up with the most brilliant evil plot. Harry, of course, along with the other boys, still doesn’t know what’s happening.

“Th-that would be amazing.” Lucy reaches over the counter to grab a pen and hands it over. Louis opens to the cover page, so that the others can see the title. Niall starts guffawing. Yes, guffawing, and can’t catch his breath. Liam looks incredibly awkward, but signs it anyway. Harry catches on to Louis’ plan and a smirk slowly appears on his face.

When it’s Harry’s turn to sign, he looks back up at Lucy, “Remember, keep this on the downlow.” He winks and she looks like she might faint.

They’re walking back to the car, and Niall is still laughing. “Oh my god. That girl is going to have a story to tell. Tommo, that’s going to be all over twitter in a few minutes. She’s probably telling all the other Larries about it right now, and we’re gonna get swarmed at breakfast.” He’s still laughing through his words though.

“Ahh whatever, it was worth it. She looked like she was about to pass out looking at Harry.”

“No, Lou.” Harry puts an arm on his boyfriend’s shoulder and looks at him in admiration, and a bit of disbelief. “She was looking at you. All of our fans specifically are Louis girls. And I can’t blame them. Look at you! And since they know about the meal, how could they not. You’re so romantic. Once we’re out, you’re gonna be the famous one, I’m telling you.”

“Gross, lads. Can we not get into a ‘who’s the prettiest’ competition right now? We’re all nasty, and I’d love to brush my teeth and change clothes. I’d say we could do it right here. But I’m pretty sure she’s watching out the window. We don’t wanna give her that much of a show.” Liam turns around to see Lucy sitting at her desk again, looking up at them until she sees him turn around, and immediately looks down.

“Oh yeah, my breath is rank. I bet she has a terrible image of us now. We look and smell like rubbish.” Louis tries to unstick his wet shirt from his chest. How they’re all still wet is highly questionable. Humidity is disgusting.

“Aw, babe. You’re not gross. You could never be too gross for me.” Once they’re back in the car, Harry leans over and gives Louis a quick kiss.

“So sweet, baby. But Haz, your morning breath is rather atrocious.” Louis smiles at Harry, their faces still impossibly close.

Harry makes a pouty face and sits back in his seat. “Wahh. Ok, fine. I guess we’ll get on the road then. We can brush our teeth in the bathroom there.”

When they arrive at IHOP, a breakfast chain off the highway that you can just tell is sticky by looking at it, they all pull out their toothbrushes from their bags and a change of clothes. Zayn and Louis also pull out their hair stuff. In snapbacks and long sleeves to attempt to keep a low profile, they walk in to find the place mostly empty. They’d pretty much expected only old people to be there at 7 A.M. on a Friday morning, but there’s a group of college aged students smushed in a booth in the corner, who look like they haven’t gone to sleep yet. Liam subtly asks for a table on the other side of the restaurant, but it’s a bit too late, as they’ve been spotted, based on the sudden hushed whispers and stares.

They’re past the point of really caring, though, as they’re all absolutely starving and still sleepy. Once they’ve ordered, two by two (except for Liam, last, by himself) they all go to the bathroom to attempt to look slightly more presentable, which is especially important now that the table across from them is “sneakily” taking pictures.

“So,” Niall starts, trying to get their attention away from the other group, “where’re we going, Harry?”

Pursing his lips, “Oh, did you think I was gonna tell you that easily? No way. I’ve kept this secret long enough and I’ll keep it for one more day.”

“Well, it’s not exactly a secret…” Zayn adds with a knowing head tilt.

Harry points his finger at him suddenly, and dramatically enunciates every word. “You don’t count. I didn’t tell you, you just have superhuman detective skills.”

“Hey! Since Zayn knows, we should all know. Or at least me!” Louis looks mock offended.

“Ok, we can play twenty questions!” Although Harry looks genuinely excited, all of the others minus Niall roll their eyes.

Niall opens his mouth to jump on the first question but doesn’t get a sound out before Louis interrupts. “You know what, fuck this. Don’t encourage him.” Harry pouts at Louis and they all sit in silence for half a beat before Niall launches into telling his dream from the night before.

Shortly after their food gets there, two of the students seem to have convinced themselves that it really is One Direction there, and muster up enough courage to walk up to the boys’ table.

After getting their attention by clearing her throat (not that they didn’t see her to start with – but they were all very concentrated on their food, so it may not have come off that way). “Um, hi… Are you guys One Direction by any chance...?”

Louis flashes his blue eyes at her and her friend. “Perhaps, we are…” There’s a kick underneath the table from Harry. Louis sometimes likes to flirt with their fans to see them flail. Not in a mean way, but it is quite the confidence boost.

Obviously not immune to his charm, she stutters out, “could we maybe get your autographs?” And then she starts to ramble faster and faster. “We would ask for a picture but we aren’t exactly ready for pictures right now, because we went to a bar last night to celebrate his –“ She points to a tall man with long blonde hair at their booth. “-birthday and then we ended up staying out all night and you probably don’t really want pictures either, since you look like you’re trying to hide. Oh, god, we shouldn’t have come over. I’m so sorry, I –”

“Slow down, it’s ok! We can do that for you, babe.” Liam touches her arm to try to calm her, but of course it has the opposite effect. Maybe that’s what he intended.

Harry chimes in, “And if you do want a picture, but not one of you in it, maybe we could do a weird one, like everybody’s pinky or something.” Louis and Zayn lovingly roll their eyes. They’ve gotten a tad bit tired of participating in his hipster pictures. “But yeah, we’d rather you not post it for a while.”

“That sounds lovely! And yeah, we can totally wait!” She pulls out her phone and hands it to Harry. They all arrange their hands according to his instructions. After a few attempts, they have a perfectly centered picture of seven pinky fingers with their breakfast as the backdrop.

Niall is sitting in the backseat of the car a few hours later. He’s scrolling through his tumblr dashboard. Both he and Harry had created a tumblr long ago. While Harry’s is a dummy account with no posts, Niall poses as a fan and is quite proud of his 149 followers. It turns out, the girls had waited a whole hour to post the picture. “Boys, they’re discussing our breakfast. Apparently I use too much syrup on my pancakes. And Harry, they all know it’s you who got the oatmeal. So now ‘#HarryGiveLouYourOatmeal’ is trending. Hey, remember when they trended ‘#HarryGiveLouYourGravy for your birthday? Legends!”

***

“I’m sorry! No one informed me that the petrol was low!” Louis is indignantly shouting at no one in particular, as he slowly coaxes the sputtering car to the shoulder of the highway.

“The car told you, Lou! You’re the one that’s been staring at the ‘E’ for the past hour!” Harry had caved and told Louis where they were headed – or at least what their next exit was – so that he could take a break from driving, but he hadn't noticed how low the petrol had gotten.

“Maybe we should just call Paul. Who knows where the nearest petrol station is.” Liam is already picking up his phone when Louis stops him.

“No. We are grown ass men with smart phones. We can handle this ourselves.”

Already having googled it, Zayn responds, “It’s two miles up the highway.”

After a deep breath and a pause, “See! That’s not so bad. Liam and I can go pick up some petrol from down the road.”

“Nope. No no no. We are not splitting up. It’s going to get dark soon and I’ve seen too many scary movies to let this happen. Either we call Paul or we all go.” Zayn’s eyes are wide and his voice is firm.

“Aww, little Zaynie is scared?” Louis can’t help but take that opportunity.

“Hell yeah! You don’t know what could pop up here. There are woods all over the place.”

“Ok, fine. We can all go. But just know that I was against this.”

A little under an hour later, they've reached the petrol station, but it’s closed, and Louis is understandably pissed. “Ok I’m sorry but what the fuck! Closing at 6 p.m.? This is fucking ridiculous.”

Liam is still pushing the “We can always call Paul” idea, but Louis is still defiant.

Harry’s kept pretty quiet, but he speaks up suddenly in a soft voice, pointing across the street. “There’s a hotel right there we can hang out in until morning. It’s not like we can really do anything else besides sleep in the car again anyway, until this place opens up in the morning.”

“Fuck no, Harry, are you insane? You’re really all trying to get me killed, aren’t you? That place is shady as fuck. There’s even a flickering ‘vacancy’ sign. Have you seen that movie? I’m not dying tonight.” Zayn hasn't exactly calmed down since his first outburst.

“Aww, Zayn, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Liam pulls Zayn in for a backwards hug, but Zayn resists. “If this turns into a scary movie, I’ll be the guy that checks out everything first and gets killed. And you can be the one we’re all protecting, okay?” He’s smirking with the rest of them. It’s always fun to get Zayn riled up.

“I’m not fucking joking! Don’t play with me! I’m not going in there.”

“Well if you don’t then you’ll be alone, and I think that the monsters usually get the people on their own first. C’mon buddy.” Louis grabs Zayn’s hand and starts to pull him across the empty highway to the admittedly very creepy hotel. The parking lot only has two cars in it and every single light is either flickering or completely out. It’s one of those single-level opens-outside super run down motels. There are no doubt bedbugs and mysterious stains inside at the very least. But, it’s their best bet.

Liam walks up to the empty front counter and peeks around the doorframe to find someone to help them. When no one magically appears, he looks to the others with a jokingly horrified face. It really does look a lot like every single stereotypical hotel in a horror movie. But Liam is brave, of course, and not the least bit scared. Ok, maybe a bit.

Louis scoots up to ring the bell and perks up when it dings, looking as proud of himself as a four year old would be in the same situation.

“What do you want?” All five of them jump and whip around to see a tall skinny man standing behind them with concern on his face.

“Yeah, can we get a couple of rooms for the night?” Niall seems pretty unbothered by the situation, while the others are trying to catch their breath.

They follow his movements, all turning in sync. When he reaches the book laying open behind the counter, he leans over and flips a few pages half heartedly, before standing up straight very slowly, and looks down at them. “I’m sorry, we only have one room available.”

“Uhm...” Liam looks around at the others, not even trying to masking his discomfort anymore. How could there only be one room open with a parking lot that empty? What’s in the other rooms? “I guess we’ll take it.” Zayn looks like he might punch Liam or make a run for the car. He’s definitely not sleeping tonight.

Liam is handed the key on a sticky whitish-brown keychain. They don’t have any of their things, as they didn’t know they’d be staying the night when they left their car. So they walk empty handed to the last room. When they get inside, it’s almost as creepy as they’d expected from the lobby. They hadn’t even noticed the 80’s carpet until Niall kicked off his shoes.

Hesitantly, Zayn taps Liam on the arm. “Can you check the bathroom for me? I need to piss but I don’t wanna be surprised by a dead body in the corner.”

Liam laughs and his smile is back. The five of them are so subconsciously linked that there’s always one person who can handle the situation. At Zayn’s fear, Liam’s courage returns. He grabs Zayn’s hand and drags him behind him on his way to the bathroom. Liam yanks his arm like they’re ballroom dancing and Zayn spins into his chest. They both start laughing as Liam moves the shower curtain. “See - no bodies. Although…” He leans in closer to inspect the shower floor. “That is absolutely disgusting. Are those bugs? How are there that many bugs in a shower?” One of them jumps suddenly and they both shriek, running back into the main room, but trip over each other as they’re still tangled up. Unfortunately, they find no reassurance from the other boys, since they look just as disgusted having found bed bugs.

Horrified, Louis looks around to force someone else to make a decision. “So what are we doing, lads? Are we staying here still? Or do we wanna walk back?”

“Well we can’t exactly walk along a highway after dark. I don’t think your mum would appreciate me allowing you to do that.” Harry tightens his grasp on Louis’ waist.

“I don’t think she’d appreciate me staying in this shit hole either. We have to walk back. I’d rather sleep in the car again. And if we can’t even get a shower, then what’s the point?” They all agree and are about to leave when there’s a sudden knock at the door. There’s no peep hole to check who it is.

“I’m not getting it.” Zayn backs against a wall and pulls Niall beside him, who’s also frozen. Another knock.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” Louis walks up to the door, shaking Harry’s hand off of him, and takes a deep breath before turning the knob. There’s a little girl standing there in a brown vest with tons of badges. A little confused at how out of place she is, he shakes his head and blinks a few times to bring himself back to reality.

Without missing a beat, she starts her sales pitch, “Hello, my name is Madeline and I’m in Brownies. I’m selling Girl Scout cookies to raise money for my troop - number 138. Would you like to buy some?” She looks up at him from underneath her eyelashes with the biggest puppy eyes imaginable.

Louis can’t hold it together. Whoever said Harry wants a baby more than him is kidding themselves. “Oh my god yes, of course! How much?” His wallet is already out.

Madeline unfolds a sheet of paper with a smile and holds it open for him to look at. “Four dollars a box. You can fill this out for what kinds you want.”

“Well I’ve never had any of these before. What is your favorite?” He takes the paper and a pen from her and moves a step to the side for the other boys to join him. They seem to be pulled out of their momentary horror as well, and Harry takes the spot beside Louis.

She looks between them and excitedly begins to to speak with wild gesticulations. She points to a teenage boy standing behind her. “Well my brother Jordan likes Samoas, but I don’t like coconut. Thin Mints are my favorite. But I also really love Peanut Butter Patties.” Jordan looks like he’s about to pass out. Louis hadn’t noticed him before, but he definitely recognises them, unlike his little sister. Or maybe she’s just a shockingly good actress and saleswoman for her age.

“Ok then! I think we’ll take two of each of those then. I hope you’re not lying about how good they are.” He looks down at her and smiles as he fills out the order form.

“Ooh! Can we get some Cranberry Citrus Crisps too?” Harry looks to Louis for approval and he makes a disgusted face that matches Madeline’s before rolling his eyes and putting a little “1” in that box too. Madeline pushes Jordan back a little and he walks back to an SUV parked close by while Louis counts out the right amount of money. He comes back with an armful of boxes, and attempts to hand them to Harry and Louis before glancing up at Harry’s eyes and dropping everything in his arms.

“Why are the two of you here anyway? Is it normal to sell cookies at a hotel?” Niall walked up from behind and is watching Jordan, Harry, and Louis pick up the mess just like the little girl.

“Our uncle is the weird guy at the front desk. And I want to sell the most cookies but Natalie’s already sold so many and I have to sell more than her by tomorrow or she’ll win and be mean to me.”

Jordan seems to have composed himself enough to speak for the first time, before anyone can respond to Madeline. “What are y’all doing here? I think that’s probably a more interesting answer.”

Louis laughs and pointedly looks at Harry. “Well… we’re on our way to God knows where and ran out of petrol. Well I guess that second part is sort of my fault, but we had to walk and now we have to wait for that place to open and this was our only real option. Although Madeline’s answer was perfectly interesting.” He has quite a way of making everyone feel included, and she beams up at him.

“Oh! Well I actually have a gas can in my car for my lawn mower if you want to get out of here. It’s probably not quite up to your standards… or anyone’s for that matter.” He looks more comfortable now and is smiling with them.

They’d all stood up by this point and Harry looks incredibly gracious. “That is incredible! Are you sure you don’t need it or anything? That would be so lovely if you don’t mind. We were actually going to just sleep in our car tonight. But this place is...” He takes a second to come up with a positive sounding adjective, but fails.

“Convenient! It’s very convenient.” Liam joined in too. Six people in one doorway is a lot. Zayn is still hiding in a corner. Although he pulled his phone out and isn’t terrified anymore - this is more him just not wanting to talk to anyone.

“Thank you, Liam.” Harry puts his hand on his arm and looks legitimately relieved to have a word fill in the space.

Jordan laughs. “Yeah, I can definitely help. Would y’all want a ride back to your car? It is pretty dark.”

Liam freezes. This is a little sketchy - taking a ride from a stranger at night on an empty highway. Somehow Niall hasn’t thought about that, though. “Yeah, mate, that would be awesome!”

So, because of Niall, all five of them are piled in the backseat of this guy’s SUV. Louis is on Harry’s lap, with his legs stretched over Liam, and Zayn is on Niall’s, sitting as still as possible, so as to not break him. It only takes a couple minutes to get back to the car, and they make small talk on the way. When they officially introduce themselves, Madeline suddenly perks up. “Wait! Are you those guys in that boyband? Natalie really likes you!”

“Isn’t Natalie the girl that’s mean to you?” Harry’s deeply concerned.

“She’s my best friend. We just both like to win a lot.”

“Oh, good. Well yes, we’re them.” Louis sits up straighter and puts on his interview persona. “We actually have a performance for our new album at Universal Studios on Monday, and that’s where we’re headed right now.” Might as well get some promo in here while they have the opportunity. Harry looks up at him, rolls his eyes, and whispers, “shameless” in a fake reprimanding tone.

“Hmm... well can you help me make her jealous? I really want to win, and it’d be even better if y’all were the ones that made her lose. Do you want some more cookies?” She looks back at them with a devious smile and raises her eyebrows quickly. Niall immediately bursts out laughing. He knows that Louis and Harry have no control over themselves around children. Zayn’s jaw has dropped and he’s just gaping at her. She surprises them with a selfie using her brother’s phone, as she obviously doesn’t care about the boys at all. She just wants the evidence. Meanwhile, Jordan looks like he could quite possibly have a heart attack at any moment. Good thing there aren’t many other cars on the road - his driving is rather atrocious.

Jordan clears his throat nervously. “I’m sorry about my little sister. She’s very… determined.” He pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath. “It’s amazing to meet you guys though. I’ve been looking forward to FOUR for a while. What i’ve heard so far is great!” He’s staring directly at Harry through the rearview mirror, piercing him with the pure obsession in his eyes.  

Louis bounces a little on Harry’s lap and moves to block his stare. “Thank you. I really loved writing on this album.” Harry winks at Louis and tightens his grip around his waist. Jordan looks startled and looks between the two of them before awkwardly darting his eyes back to the road.

Niall mutters “Jesus!” before the awkward silence swallows the car. Madeline, however, seems oblivious and quite frankly pretty proud of herself.

When they pull up in front of Harry’s car, the other man goes around his SUV to find the can of petrol. He works with Louis to get their car properly filled up, and then they’re all saying goodbye, with 43 more boxes of cookies in their car.

***

After finally spending a night in a decent hotel, the boys are refreshed and ready to hit the road for their main destination, still a mystery to three-fifths of them. The roadtrip is nice. It’s the first time they’ve been together like this since the Up All Night tour. It’s simple - they’re just eating Thin Mints and dancing to whoever’s iPod is on shuffle at the moment.

When “Sweet Disposition” comes on, Louis and Harry get mournful over Harry’s faded tattoo. “Maybe I should get it redone. I can’t let it disappear for good.”

“But you’re getting the ‘you booze you lose’ one right there. And a couple others have already partially covered it up.”

“Maybe I should put it somewhere else. I could do my right arm I guess.”

“No! You can’t do that. You have to wait to put anything else there!” Louis starts stamping his foot like a five year old. “Besides, it’s your own fault for getting it done like that. The rose is fading too, and I’m gonna look fucking stupid in fifty years with a lone dagger.”

“I doubt anyone would call you names for that. Other reasons, probably. But not because my rose faded.”

Louis makes an unintelligible noise and crosses his arms as he sits back in his chair when the song ends. The opening cowbell to “What Makes You Beautiful” comes on next. Niall and Harry shout excitedly and the other three groan. By the end of the song, all five of them were shouting the lyrics. Since Niall was in control of the music, they spend the next hour listening to their own music. Mostly from FOUR, but there were a few classics snuck in there.

Louis, of course, gets emotional over “Fireproof.” He’s quiet through the entire song but when it fades out there’s a tear in his eye. “I know we go through shit sometimes, but I’m just so glad I have you lads.”

“Aww, babe!” Harry reaches back to pat Louis’ leg, and glances back, causing the entire car to swerve wildly.

“WATCH THE FUCKING ROAD, YOU DICKFUCK!” Louis grabs Niall and Zayn’s thighs beside him and kicks his own leg to get Harry to let go.

“Ahh! Sorry, sorry! But that is no name to call your husband, sir! I deserve respect. Plus, what a story that would be in the paper.” They’re not actually married, but they like the sound of it. The other boys like to pretend they hate how sappy the couple is, but they’re actually hopelessly endeared.

“Well I would rather live than have a story.” Niall pried Louis’ fingers off of his thigh.

“Ahh, but all publicity is good publicity, young padawan, and we have a record to sell!”

***

“Are you fucking kidding me. The world’s largest mattress?” They all stare at Harry as he gives them the biggest grin and is kicking his boots off and hops up on it. Luckily, there’s no one else there, so they have the entire warehouse to themselves. (They’d find out later that Harry had called ahead to make sure they’d have some alone time.)

“C’mon. You know you want up here!” He extends his hands to the four of them. Niall is first to join him, and then the other three. They end up bouncing around for almost an hour, before collapsing in a huddle. The owners had blasted dance music the whole time and probably took a few sneaky pictures, but they danced like they hadn’t in public for a few years. Louis was as camp as ever, and the other three thoroughly enjoyed mocking his and Harry’s “You’re The One That I Want” choreography, before of course joining in for the grand finale.

They’re all lying haphazardly, with their limbs entwined. “I think we should stay here forever.” Zayn doesn’t like their scripted public appearances more than the others, but he’d do anything for his boys. “I wish we could do this all the time. Maybe one of our music videos should be here… When we have a say in them, anyway. It’d be like they can see what we’re really like. It’d be cool.”

Meekly, Harry says, “So you don’t hate me for bringing you here?”

Niall whips off a sock and throws it lazily behind him towards Harry’s voice, and misses. “Ya dumb cunt, we’re a bunch of three year olds. Why wouldn’t we like this?” Harry starts giggling, and they end up all flinging socks at each other.

***

When it’s time to go, the owners approach the five. An elderly woman is holding a little boy, probably about four years old, with gorgeous blonde curly locks. When he realizes who is there, he whips his head up and starts shouting their names excitedly, eyes getting brighter with every word. “Haaar-ryyyy!! Niiiiiall!! Louuu-iiis!! Liiiiiam!! Zaaaayyyn!!”

Harry’s eyes light up almost as much and holds his hand out for a high five. “Hey buddy!”

The woman grins at the interaction and puts the boy down, who runs to jump into Niall’s arms. He tries to pick him up before the boy changes his mind and runs away, causing Zayn to erupt with giggles.

“I hope you enjoyed your time here! And I hope you don’t mind me bringing him out to meet you all. He’s been talking nonstop about you since my daughter gave him the toothbrush with your faces on it.” She’s still fondly watching her grandson freak out, while Harry fonds over his husband holding the little boy.

A little distractedly, Harry says, “Oh no, of course it’s fine! We love kids. Do you think he’d like a picture maybe?” The picture is more for Harry than the boy. He likes to look at the fan edits of Louis and him with children.

“That would be wonderful! Oh! But I don’t have a camera.”

“I have one! If you don’t mind me putting it online.” Harry jumps with excitement, and the five of them take a picture with the little boy and his grandmother. They pose in a star shape lying down with the little boy in the center. He posts it with the caption “Tony-stagram,” after asking his name.

“He’s going to be famous, you know. With a head of hair like that, there’s no doubt. Who couldn’t love him?” Louis is grinning at the little boy, and Harry’s face is about to split open. Louis’ said that before, and he hasn’t been wrong yet. By the end of the day, there’s a twitter dedicated to Tony, who is now thirty boxes of girl scout cookies richer.

***

Early on Monday morning, they’re back to work at soundcheck in Orlando. It’s always much less stressful than a performance, and they joke around ten times more, messing around with each other and the crowd. Harry is eating from his box of Samoas between songs. There’s a girl in the front row with a sign asking them to sing “Stole My Heart.”

Harry leans over to hand her the rest of the box, and Liam looks disappointed. “Aww, that was the last one of those!”

Indignantly, Harry stamps his foot and turns towards him. “Excuse me, Liam! These fans have already been out for hours! Don’t you think they deserve a cookie? You’ve already had two whole boxes!”

“I’ve gone my whole life without them, and now I have to make up for that! Besides, you gave away almost all of them to that little boy.” The forgotten crowd awws.

Louis comes to Harry’s defense with a sassy tone. “Well I’m sorry you don’t think our presence is enough pay for your lack of cookies.” There are a few screeches from the crowd.

“Aww, I didn’t mean it like that.” Liam points to the girl holding the cookies and freaking out. “You can keep the cookies. You four boys are all I need.”

“Lii-amm, don’t get sappy on us!” Harry tilts his head and puts a hand on his hip with a grin.

“I’m not kidding!” Liam turns to the crowd and declares to everyone, “Did you know that we all just had the worst holiday you could imagine?” Harry’s jaw drops in mock offense and furrows his eyebrows with a “Heyyyy!” but Liam ignores him completely. “We didn’t get to shower for a few days and almost got killed at a creepy hotel. But I wouldn’t trade time with you for the world. I love these boys.”

Niall can’t help but “aww” and moves to bring them all in for a group hug. They squish together tightly and the crowd roars. They smile to each other so that no one but the five of them can see. No matter what happens, they’ll always be there for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to say that I had planned Niall and Harry jamming out to WMYB before they said that on the livestream. I also apologize for any mourning over Paul that I may have caused. Thanks again to my wonderful people and also to Girl Scout cookies for existing. This is my first fic so let me know what you think and [come say hi!](http://onmykneesforya.tumblr.com) Have a lovely day! :)


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